Hill Health Magazine Fall 2010

Your mom told you “thank you” is a magic word. Your spouse might have another one. A new study from the University of California suggests that couples who say “we” are better able to work through disagreements.

Couples who use words like “we,” “our” and “us” identify more strongly with their spouses and behave more positively toward each other, researchers say. Those words reflect a sense of partnership and a desire and confidence to face problems together. In contrast, couples who use “I,” “me” and “you” are less satisfied in their marriages.

Other behaviors shown to strengthen relationships include:

• Protecting and valuing your privacy as a couple
• Identifying more with your spouse, not your siblings or parents
• Talking about the sober realities of life but drawing on humor and laughter to keep things in perspective
• Comforting each other

Both words and actions can make you a stronger, happier team.